“It could be as simple as being very deliberate when you reference that person to make sure you use “they” as their pronoun, and put a slight emphasis on it to highlight it,” says Cabral.
#Brave words full
For example, if you’re in a meeting full of executives and the president of the company is using the incorrect pronouns for one of the attendees, chiming in to correct them may not be ideal. “Don’t underestimate that you can help give others the skills to navigate spaces just by them seeing how you do it,” says Cabral. One way we learn is by watching others, so role modeling the right behavior or language can help show people alternative ways of behaving or speaking that can be more inclusive. “There are absolutely folks that need a mirror held up to show what they’re doing is not okay, but sometimes it’s literally just folks on the learning journey who haven’t caught on yet or who aren’t aware.” “I get why people are really focused on calling out bad behavior, but I think there is a place for everything,” says Cabral. Instead of Calling Out, Try Being A Role Model A well-positioned question can create the environment where you both get to hear and be heard.” Simply asking a question invites the person to share their perspective, and that’s what people want-to be heard. When I’m talking to my leader, I might not be comfortable saying, ‘No, that’s wrong,’ but I might be more comfortable saying something like, ‘Can you say more about that? I’m not sure I follow what you mean.’ This encourages the person to rethink what they said, how they framed it, and the impact of that. “Most people will say yes, and now I’ve created an opportunity for you to invite me into the dialogue to share what I want to say. Are you open to another perspective?’” says Cabral. “It could be something like, ‘I appreciate you sharing that with me. Cabral recommends people lead with a question to invite discussion, so speaking up doesn’t feel confrontational. Speaking up when there is a power imbalance creates a lot of anxiety because the stakes are high, such as with an employee and a boss. “Most of the time people will immediately jump in and say, ‘No, no, we don’t see you that way!’ but gently calling out a possible stereotype up front can preempt it by helping make others more aware of the risk I’m taking.” “I’ve spoken up before by starting with, ‘At the risk of sounding like an angry Black woman, I’d like to share a few concerns I have about this conversation,’” says Cabral. One tactic that can make it easier to assert what needs to be said is by preempting a bias the listener may consciously or unconsciously hold. Yet directly challenging some of the more subtle things that may fall into stereotype buckets can put the other person on the defensive, and therefore make them less open to hearing another’s perspective. Cabral emphasizes that everyone at some point has had the experience of facing bias or not feeling like they quite belonged, depending on the room that they’re in-whether it be because they have an accent, their age, have a disability or a variety of other dimensions of identity.
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